Chuck Norris Facts of Social Media

As a kid in school I had a really hard time staying focused during classes. Most of my teachers used to drone on and on and on about... well, stuff I managed to retain just long enough to pass tests and graduate. Rather than paying attention and taking notes, I would doodle all over my notebooks, filling up the pages until I couldn't even read what few lesson points I had written down.

You'd think as an adult I would've outgrown that whole thing, that I would be mature enough to give speakers the courtesy of listening to what they have to say. Not so. It's not that I mean any disrespect; it's just that my ADD, even with medication, causes my brain to float off to parts unknown.

Such was the case this past weekend at the conference in Atlanta. Where the idea came from I couldn't tell you, but with the event being centered on men and their use of social media, I had this image of Chuck Norris busting out blog posts and status updates. I mean who's more manly than Chuck Norris? So, in the same vein as my notebook doodling, I started sending out tweets about Chuck Norris facts related to the topic at hand. Apparently, they earned a few chuckles, and since then I've received several request to put them all out there. So here they are along with a few new ones...

Chuck Norris Facts of Social Media

Chuck Norris doesn’t use WordPress; he uses BenchPress.

There are no brands or sponsors for bloggers to work with, only Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't click "LIKE" on your Facebook page. He stamps it in your face with his fist by punching the monitor.

God sent a friend request to Chuck Norris on Facebook and Chuck Norris blocked him as SPAM

Chuck Norris can impregnate a mommy blogger just by leaving a comment on her post.

Not even Chuck Norris is allowed to be a fan of Chuck Norris on Facebook.

Chuck Norris’s engagement score is actually zero because who would be crazy enough to engage Chuck Norris.

A troll once left a comment on Chuck Norris’s blog; Chuck Norris scowled at the monitor and the troll’s head exploded.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to scan his computer for viruses; he just cracks his knuckles.

Chuck Norris uses pay-per-punch to monetize his blog. (Courtesy of Mr. PJ Mullen)

People use hash tags on Twitter. Chuck Norris uses slash tags.

Firewall protection is to not to protect Chuck Norris from spyware; it’s to protect spyware from Chuck Norris.

When Twitter is over-capacity it's because Chuck Norris has just sent a tweet.

Everyone on Twitter can Twit-Pic but only Chuck Norris can Twit-Kick.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read blogs; he stares them down until he gets what he wants.

The only giveaways Chuck Norris does on his blog are free gut punches.

When Chuck Norris un-friends someone on Facebook, they spontaneously combust into flames

Chuck Norris doesn’t do trackbacks; he tracks you down.

When Chuck Norris registered his blog url it erased Google’s algorithms.

Chuck Norris’s IP address is the same number sequence as the combination to his wall safe, where inside you will find Chuck Norris waiting to kill you.

When Chuck Norris writes a blog post, his unique visitor count is infinity.

Chuck Norris doesn't tweet; he just roundhouse kicks his followers 140 times.

Chuck Norris’s Avatar has killed more people than the Black Plague.

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Goofy, I know, but feel free to add your own.