Clark Kent's Lunchbox: A NEW Post from The Daddy Blog of Tomorrow -

Showing posts with label Superboy (Sons). Show all posts

Showing posts with label Superboy (Sons). Show all posts

6 Things I Want My Sons to Know About My Depression [TODAY Show]

As it did to so many, the news of Robin Williams’s death came as a great shock to me. How could a man with such talent and charisma who brought me to tears, both of joy and sadness, on so many occasions be gone so suddenly? Then details of his depression came to light, and I understood. The National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that 6.7 of American adults live with major depression, and of those, 2.6 percent, or 6.1 million people, are afflicted by bipolar disorder. I understand, because I am one of them.

When I initially informed my first wife of my diagnosis and the associated concerns I held for our three boys, she expressed strong reservations about saying anything to them. This, however, is exactly the problem for men with depression. It actually needs to be talked about more, and if I don’t talk with my sons about the twisting despair brought on by depression, who will? There’s actually a lot they need to know. So, boys, listen here:

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The Power of Dad: Lessons Learned

My father as a Green Beret in Vietnam

My father is, hands down, the toughest, hardest working man I have ever met. A lot of people say this about their fathers, and I don’t doubt them, but how many can say they watched their father calmly hobble into the house to take a shower and then drive to the ER after accidentally sticking an ax blade into his shin? What truly amazed me about that memory, though, was waking to the sound of the crunching gravel from our driveway as my father left for work the following morning. At the time he was the company president, and everyone would’ve certainly understood had he decided to take it easy for a few days. But that wasn’t my father.

If You Give a Mouse CPR

Most people know I’m not a cat person, and yet, despite this we have a cat. The reason for this is simple: Our house was being overrun by mice last winter, and conventional methods such as traps and poisons failed to stem the tide. A cat, therefore, seemed like the only other cost-effective option. After a brief search through Craigslist my wife found a suitable feline candidate that was even advertised as being a good “mouser.”

In short order our mouse problem was no more, even though I only ever saw the cat catch one of the furry little bastards. My guess is that our cat’s mere presence was enough of deterrent to keep the mice at bay. Since then the cat has been splitting her time between being an entitled indoor cat and a prey-stalking outdoor cat—something akin to a Kardashian living a dual life as a ninja assassin. It’s not uncommon to open the front door and find the limp body of a once perky chipmunk or hairless baby squirrel at least two or three times a week.

I know the common belief is that these little “gifts” are a cat’s way of showing they are happy, but the reality is cats have an inherent kill pattern programmed into their brains. That and they are very bad at disposing of the bodies. (See this infographic.) Thus, if you suffer from Phagofelinephobia, take heart, once the cats have had their fill your corpse will be found (of course, on whose doorstep is anybody’s guess). I digress.

13 Things My Kids Seem Incapable Of [Slide Presentation]

Are there certain minor, little things that your kids keep doing even though you've tried time and again to get them to change? Do you wonder if your children will ever get it? I'll wager to say we've all been there. Here is my list of things that cause me to ask that very question. Are some of these on your list, or are there others in your household?

Dreams of Failure [GMP]

A while back I had two dreams that were so vivid I will never forget them. In the first I was a boy, roughly 10 or 11, standing before a white farm house with three gabled windows protruding from the roof and a wide, covered porch spanning the entire front exterior. Yellow daffodils filled the flower beds at the porch’s base, and the surrounding yard was neat and trimmed. Facing the left side of the house stood a traditional-looking barn with two large doors that were swung open revealing its insides.

A path to the left of the barn cut through a spacious field that was bordered on three sides by a wall of maple and oak trees. Something compelled me to follow the path, and as I walked my feet could feel the cool clover growing in the raised strip running between the shallow ruts that were worn into the damp dirt by some wheeled vehicle.

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The Perfect Life

I don’t know if it’s because I’m wading into the deep end of my mid-life crisis or if it’s simple escapism, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about when my life seemed perfect. When precisely was this this? It was soon after working through the issues of my recent divorce. I was in my 30’s and making a comfortable living which afforded me a trendy downtown loft and a hot car, the kind the valets like to park out front for others to see.

Physically fit, I weighed 25 pounds less than I do now, and had a closet full of designer suits that made me feel sharp as I walked out the door each morning. Professionally, I was at the top of my game, and I knew it which gave me a supreme confidence and healthy sort of cockiness that fueled my continued success.

J.J. Abrams, Dad 2.0, and The Life of Dad [Podcast]

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to be a guest on the Life of Dad After Show where I chatted with hosts Art Eddy and Ryan Hamilton about Star Wars, J.J. Abrams, the origin of Clark Kent's Lunchbox, how to make Sugar Milk, attending the Dad 2.0 conference, and the evolution of dad blogging. I did my best to sound interesting, but who knows--I say "uh" a lot. Anyway. It was at least nice to have a real conversation with a couple of great guys which is a big deal for me considering I only have a cat to talk with all day.

If you're not familiar with The Life of Dad bunch and all the stuff they are doing, then I highly encourage checking them out and joining the community they've put together over there.

Many thanks to Art and Ryan for having me.

You can listen to the program here: The Life of Dad After Show

Not My Kid

Not my kid. That’s what we as parents wish we could think on a continual basis. We see another child doing something outrageous, or we hear about it from a fellow parent and we naturally imagine our own children in the same situation, believing that our parenting skills have made enough of an impact so as to prevent them from doing anything stupid and embarrassing.

Hey, I’m no different… I’m no different until I overhear someone commenting on the kid plundering the bowl of mints offered in the church’s coffee café, only to learn later that it was both my 11 year-old and my nine year-old sons who were grabbing fistfuls of peppermint candy like greedy pirates stuffing their pockets with gold doubloons. I would’ve been none the wiser had it not been for the indiscriminate trail of cellophane wrappers laying in the hallway and the sibling who snitched on them. (With five kids it’s hard to get away with anything, especially when you don’t share the loot.)

Swim Test

Unlike me, my kids are a bunch of water bugs when it comes to swimming. Swimming is one of those things that never really stuck with me after I grew up. Perhaps this is because my sisters and I never went that often. Once each summer our mother would take us for a day at the Lake Erie peninsula where the lake’s docile waves would toss our bony little bodies back onto the gravely shore. Sometimes, if we were lucky, a well-off friend would invite us over to their pool, but mostly we just damned up the small creek behind our house and sat in muddy, knee-deep water.

My kids also have a good size creek running through our backyard, but they would much rather prefer the new outdoor pool at our local YMCA. It’s not that they are averse to playing in the creek (and then tracking mud through the house); it’s just that the pool has a thirty-foot water slide, a playground, a whirlpool, fountains, and a zip line. Needless to say we spent more than a few weekends there over the summer.

Superman's Two Dads In Man of Steel

Last week Entertainment Weekly published an interesting (well, interesting to me) article in their Summer Must List edition. The article centered on Superman's two dads in the highly anticipated Man of Steel movie coming out in a few weeks. (I've already bought tickets and put in for a vacation day.) According to interviews with both Director Zach Snyder and screenwriter David S. Goyer, the role of fathers will be a central issue critically affecting Clark Kent's choices in becoming Superman.

EW correspondent Anthony Breznican writes that Clark is "in a tug-of-war between his Kryptonian biological father, Jor-El (Russell Crowe), and his adoptive earthling dad, Jonathan Kent (Kevin Coster)." Goyer continues the thought stating, "It's about Clark trying to decide whose son he is," while adding that Clark's decision will determine the the fate of the earth.

As I've mentioned before, the conflict, of course, stems from Jor-El sending Kal-El to Earth with a message to his son that he is to become a savior to his new home world, while Kent, on the other hand urges Clark to conceal his powers out of a fear for the worst from humanity.

What I liked best about the article, mainly because it's something I readily identify with, is that both Snyder and Goyer's experiences as fathers influenced this particular aspect of the movie. With eight kids, Snyder has had much to draw from, while Goyer goes on to recount a particularly poignant moment as a parent.

"One day [my stepson] was mad at me and said, 'You're not my real dad! I don't have to listen to you!'" Goyer recalls. "[Jonathan] Kent says a version of what I said to my stepson, which is, 'You're right. I'm not your real dad, but I love you and chose you. And I didn't have to choose you. And that's a big deal.'"

Being both a dad and a stepdad this article really hit home with me. In one sense I am both Jor-El and Jonathan Kent which often makes me question the consistency of the messages I pass along to my three sons and two stepdaughters. Sometimes I get it right; sometimes I don't. Mistakes are part of the story, but so too are triumphs.

In any case, I am thrilled that Man of Steel is going to explore this aspect of Superman's journey. In fact, Snyder tells Movie.com that a lot of emphasis will be place on Clark's years as a child growing up and the character development that molds the superhero he will eventually become.

For a guy with a blog named Clark Kent's Lunchbox, this is exciting to hear. It's exactly the part of the Superman story that made me a fan to begin with, and it's what helped make me a better father.

Man of Steel, Free Will and Where My Kids are Going Wrong

To say I'm excited about the new Superman movie is an understatement. Giddy is more like it. (I mean have you noticed the name of this blog?) My kids on the other hand couldn't care less. Last week at the theater the boys practically went nuts over the World War Z poster, this while I'm Instagramming the hell out the one showcasing Man of Steel. Pffft. Who would ever want to see a movie with Brad Pitt and zombies? As if.

Truth be told, my kids really don't get my--obsession is too strong, so let's say my fascination with the whole Superman thing. "Why do you like him so much?" they ask me over and over to which I launch into my standard spiel about what we can learn from Clark Kent as he grew up and how, as Superman, he uses his powers for the good of others and so on, and so on.

Why I keep doing this, I don't know because all it does is prompt the boys to remind me of every instance where Batman somehow manages to pummel Superman, which is a bunch of contrived hooey not to mention a faulty counterargument to my line of reasoning. A guy can hurl a tank into outer space, and they're all like, yawn, but give them some brooding schmo armed with a utility belt that's always prepared for every occasion and suddenly we have the world's greatest superhero. For the record, being prepared is not a superpower; it's a motto for the Boy Scouts. But like, whatever.

I've long since learned to ignore my children's misguided opinions about Superman. I realize they don't see the whole story from the same perspective that I do as a father--a theme that, based on the trailers, appears will be prevalent in Man of Steel. The film also promises to deliver on the theme of nature verses nurture according to screenwriter David S. Goyer in a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly.

We get a glimpse of this in the early teaser trailers. Two versions were produced, one with the voice of Kal-El's biological father, Jor-El (Russel Crow), representing the innate qualities (nature) that influence his son's development, the other with Jonathan Kent (Kevin Costner) personifying Clark Kent's personal experiences (nurture) that shape his behavior.

Version 1: Jor-El

Version 2: Jonathan Kent

What makes this interesting, though, is the conflicting messaging the two fathers pass on to their mutual son.

"You will give the people of earth something to strive towards," explains Jor-El. (We assume this takes place at some point after Kal-El finds the Fortress of Solitude and learns more of his Kryptonian heritage.) He then goes on to say that despite the people of earth's shortcomings, "they will join you in the sun [and] in time you will help them accomplish wonders."

This sounds contradictory to what Clark is told by his earthy parents, who, despite passing along the many good values that govern Superman's morality, also instill in him an element of fear. After young Clark rescues a busload of students, a worrisome Jonathan tells his son that he has to keep that part of himself a secret. "What was I supposed to do? Let them die?" Clark then asks to which his father says, "Maybe." That's hardly heroic advice.

Trailer 2

This conflict becomes central to the internal struggle Clark wrestles with as he finds himself in what looks to be a number of situations where he's forced to use his powers in order to rescue others. In fact, in the trailers we hear Clark say, "My father was convinced the world would reject me, the world wasn't ready for me." Somewhere along the line, though, Clark has to make a choice.

Choices. That's what it comes down to. In the nature verses nature debate, there's another factor that those who are smarter than me like to stir into the mix--free will. Free will kind of throws things off by dictating that people can ignore inherent and environmental influences and choose their own course. In Man of Steel, free will appears to get a nod too with each father passing it along in their own way.

In the Entertainment Weekly article, Goyer explains that Krytonian babies are genetically engineered to fulfill roles within society such as a warrior or a scientist. Jor-El and his wife have Kal-El naturally, an act that creates trouble, but it also frees their son to, "dream of being something other than what society intended." Had Kal-El's DNA been tampered with, who knows how he would've turned out on earth or how it would've affected Kal-El's decisions once General Zod shows up.

Jonathan Kent acknowledges free will too as he recognizes the impact Clark's powers can one day have on society. "You just have to decide what kind of man you want to grow up to be, Clark. Whoever that man is--good character or bad--is going to change the world." Jonathan might not like that his son has to make a choice, but he knows that moment will eventually come, and he'll have to accept it.

This is something I often think about with my own children. I recognize the behaviors they exhibit that mirror my own, and I can see how various circumstances influence their actions. There are examples I could point out on a daily basis. What's funny is there are also times when I've tried to change their way of thinking, and my only motivation for doing so was to maintain control.

Control is something that continues to erode as my kids grow older. It's much more difficult to relinquish than I expected, and yet I have to with the hope that, through word and deed, I've passed along enough good character traits to help them make the best decisions for themselves.

Where it's clear my kids have gone wrong, however, is with their whole World War Z and Batman mentality But that's their choice. Me? I'll still be front and center come June 14th the minute Man of Steel is released.

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NOTE: This post was in response to friend and fellow comic enthusiast, Eric Bolton, and his post "Why I Hate the New Superman Movie" at Boltonshire.

Hookers, Line, and Sinker

I want to take a moment to talk about hookers. Did he just say—yes I did. Specifically I want to talk about my personal experiences which, believe it or not, are quite extensive (and no, not in the way you’re thinking). You may be asking what does this have to do with being a father. Well, it might sound like a stretch, but I intend to eventually pass these stories along to my sons to help them avoid such awkward situations later in life and to my stepdaughters so they don’t go down this road because of any daddy issues I may have caused. Think of it as a twisted take on How I Met Your Mother.

I could probably start off any number of over a dozen encounters with hookers such as the Lady Marmalade knock-offs at that dive joint near the San Antonio airport or the country girl in Tahoe who claimed she needed a place to stay because her truck had broken down—and don’t even get me started about my time living in the Far East! Instead, I’ll begin in my mid 30’s when I was between marriages and living the life of a well-to-do bachelor. (My wife refers to this time as my...

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What's at the End of "The Road"

I have a thing about the end of the world, namely that I believe in it. Worse still, I’m sure it will happen in my lifetime. According to a life-expectancy quiz I took this week, I should make it to age 77 assuming nothing random happens to me like choking on a marshmallow or being hit by a flaming meteor (which we all know could totally happen). In any case, simple math dictates I’ve got 37 good years ahead of me. This is plenty time for either A, the Democrats to confiscate all of our guns and force us into same-sex marriages thus leaving us defenseless against a Chinese invasion or B, the Republicans take control and plunge 98% of America into extreme poverty after funding a pork barrel project that results in a zombie army, hence setting the stage for a World War Z.

Truthfully speaking, my beliefs on the earth’s demise are aligned with the events prophesied in the book of Revelations which are totally plausible according to a Discovery Channel special and Kirk Cameron. Nutty, I know, but a guy’s got to believe in something, and besides, what’s the harm? If I’m wrong you all get to come back to this post and tell me, “I told you so” in the comments.

Lest you think I’m about to go on a religious tear, allow me to put your mind at ease. I’m not. Unlike the crazies that manage to end up on FOX and Friends, I actually respect other people’s beliefs because who’s to say I’m 100% right. This reminds me of a joke.

Read about the rest of the world...

Cinnamon or Powdered Donuts

I roll over and look through the blurry haze of my half-open eyelids. My phone says it’s 7:27. I sigh in dread, not because I have to load up the family and drive the 1,300 plus miles from Texas to Indiana, but because I will be taking my stepdaughters away from their father.

Ten year-old Allie carefully opens the door and sticks her head in. “How long before we’re gonna leave?” she asks in a whisper.

“Probably in an hour. As soon as I get everything in the van,” I reply from under the covers.

She rolls her eyes in disgust.

Normally I would correct her negative reaction. Not this morning, not after she just spent a week with her dad. A selfish part of me wishes Allie would just suck it up and accept the fact that we don’t live here anymore. We live in Indiana now near my three boys. Why can’t she understand how important it is for the boys to have their father. Except for a few select holidays and short vacations, my sons have had to do without me for close to five years.

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Goth and Only 10

Ever wonder what's going through your kids' head sometimes? To keep the girls' time structured over the summer, we've started carving out an hour per day for "writing time." The output from this little exercise has been enlightening. Take for example this little example from my oldest stepdaughter. It's her (touching) commentary on her feelings about our recent move. Consider it a guest post of sorts. (PS. I got permission first.)

My Heartbreaking Moment

Hi! My name is Allie, and I am from Houston, Texas. I lived in Texas for 10 years! But then tears came. I had to move to a nasty, disgusting, icky state. Indiana.

My life fell 10 stories when I heard the news. I remember my heart falling to pieces. Sadly, I was leaving behind friends, family, and happiness. I almost felt Goth! Yeah! It was that bad.

Even today my mother still tells me she is sad too. I thought about turning back, but it was too late.

I'll always remember the sweet smell of Texas. Smoke, trash, happiness. I'll always remember the look. Litter, happiness and ghetto cars. H-Town.

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After I read this I told Allie, that even though I am happy to be with my boys again, I am also sad about some of the things left behind in Texas.

"Really?!" she said.

"Yup, really," I answered. "But not the ghetto cars and no you're not old enough to be Goth."

We hugged.

Second Thoughts. Tragic Lives.

Many of you know my story. Corporate exec forced into the role of staying at home step dad, without the means to be near my own sons 1,300 miles away. That story is now over and a new one begins. I’m working full time again, and next week we make the big move only 13 minutes from boys. I’m overjoyed to say the least. Then why am I having second thoughts? Because of two other kids who are not mine: Chris and Katie.

I have written about them before, Katie, cute as a bashful flower, and Chris, a frustrated boy of 10. Their lives are miserable.

Katie is starved for attention from anyone, and Chris wants to know he’s a good kid. They both need to feel loved, and yet they are victims of their divorce parents own selfishness. The mother’s an alcoholic while the father reacts to every situation as anger--parents frustrated about their situations and too selfish to bother with their children.

I try not to be judgmental of other parents but then again the parents by talk with most are dads and moms whose worlds revolve around their children. They know about sacrifice and joy yet Chris and Katie’s parents know none of these things. They only know mistakes, mistakes they refuse to learn from.

The father is hooked up with a woman that isn’t allowed to see her own babies – something to do with a temper, the same temper that caused her to break an iPhone belonging to Chris and Katie’s father. “They fight a lot,” Chris told us a few nights ago over dinner. “That’s why I have my dad’s old phone. She smashed it.”

Chris goes on to tell how unsafe the apartments are where the girlfriend lives. “We jump in the bushes when cars drive by,” he explains. “A lot of kids get abducted there.” Whether this is true or not is immaterial because it’s true enough to him. There is a somberness in his tone that questions why this is the life he and his sister have to live.

The mother’s choices are worse. When we mentioned to Katie that we would be moving later in the year she announced, “Oh yeah we are moving too – with my mom’s new boyfriend.” My wife and asked if Katie liked the new boyfriend. Katie was quiet for a moment, then she shook her head no. “I don’t like the way he tickles me. He won’t stop when I tell him to.”

My wife and I exchanged nervous glances. It’s easy to jump to conclusions, but given everything else we’ve heard it doesn’t sound good.

The mom lives with her parents. Chis and Katie both say it’s a bad situation. “Mom fights with them all time.” When one of my stepdaughters said she saw blood in one of the rooms, that’s when we suggested everyone just play at our house.

At dinner I told my wife this might be the only place the Chris and Katie might feel safe to be kids. My wife agrees. We are both sad to be leaving Chris and Katie knowing the tragedies that statistically await them.

I am angered over it. I want to do something about it, but there are few options. I handed Chris a business card for my blog and told him to call me if he or his sister ever get in trouble. I don’t know what I can do from 1,300 miles away, but maybe there’s something.

Knowing that Chris and Katie’s story is not uncommon fills me with even more frustration. How people can be so selfish with their kids makes no sense to me. But it goes on.

I don’t blog much anymore – no time really. There’s work and family, this move, and a second book that dominated my time. Besides, I may have simply lost my stomach for it reading of some of the fishbowl pettiness. I don’t know.

But what I do know, though, is if I could save Chris and Katie by blogging and to give I would do it. And I would adopt them in heartbeat no questions asked. In fact I wish my blog, which is named for a superhero, really had the superpowers to rescue every kid out there like.

Clark Kent’s Lunchbox has served me and my family well as. It has taken us many places, and in one sense, it has even brought me to my boys. But I wish to God it could do something dramatic for Chris and Katie. I wish it could hug them and love them the way they both need to be, that it could pull them out of their sad circumstances and fly them off to a happy life. That it could protect long enough for them to rediscover their innocence. But blogs don’t do that. Only people can. Hence my second thoughts over their tragic lives.

The Ron Swanson Guide to Raising Boys

Behold. The Man, Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson from NBC’s Parks and Recreation, might be the most brilliant character on TV in my humble, expert opinion. I want to be him. My wife is convinced that within a few years I will completed my transformation in becoming Ron Swanson incarnate, mustache and all. Besides already sharing the same first name, we both hate big government, enjoy high-protein meals, and think wood sailing ships are beautiful.

Swanson maxims on life are swift and simple. “The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness” is a work of a genius that addresses a wide array of important subjects like, for example, fashion attire (“Shorts over 6” are capri pants. Shorts under 6” are European.”). Such straightforward ideology also extends to the area of preparing sons for manhood.

Here are but a few Swanson-isms I plan on instilling in my sons.

iHate iPlutocracy: Why My Kids Don't Need iCrap

Steve Jobs, wherever you are, if you can read this, please don't take offense; I really do appreciate all that cool stuff you've built. Actually, this has more to do with how we tend to turn popular consumer goods into symbols that proclaim our financial status.

It's nothing new, really. We've been doing it ever since the first Neanderthal bragged to his homo erectus co-workers about how his new iRock5 could spark fires when synced to his iRock Touch. It may have been just a lot of grunting, but everyone around the tar pit knew he thought of himself as being more evolved.

My issue, rather, is that owning the newest, coolest gadget does not elevate someone to a level where they're somehow better than everyone else. This is a concept I've been trying to instill in my children, despite the tidal wave of influences to the contrary.

The primary method for this is... (continue reading)

Are Dad Bloggers Attacking Father Stereotypes or Windmills?

Editorial note: This is how I stir up crap right before Blog World in a few weeks.

Remember Don Quixote, the middle-aged country gentlemen who lost touch with reality and charged off to fight what he thought were giants, but what were really windmills? (Do schools even teach this anymore?) Sometimes I wonder if us dad bloggers aren’t like Don Quixote when we get all up in arms about stereotyped fathers in the media. Are we mistaking a windmill for a giant?

Dopes Are Tropes

Am I implying the “dumb dad” shtick and other negative stereotypes don’t exists? Not at all. However, pointing to the demigod-like fathers of the 50’s as the gold standard for pop culture paternity is a poor argument for demanding a modern reboot. In a sense, these depictions of infallible fathers were the least realistic of them all. Furthermore, to say that TV dads have only declined since is a faulty assumption too because for every bad dad shown over the ensuing decades, a good one can be found to counter it. Even today, for every Tony... continue reading

Let's Play: Recess Is More Than Play

I love my kids, but I’m glad they’re back in school. Sure, we had fun at the pool, the nearby museums, and at antique stores (they’ve got a thing for that show American Pickers), yet there were also many moments when they drove me insane. It didn’t help that the Texas sun blazed down at such unsafe levels, it forced everyone to remain mostly inside. Between my five kids, plus four more from the neighborhood, the collective pent-up energy resulting from being indoors manifested itself through activities such as what appeared to be some version of Hide-and-Seek infused with the rowdier elements of Australian-rules rugby. The ensuing destruction was predictable. And often annoying. Ask my wife how ecstatic she was discovering that the hiding place of choice for the little scrum munchkins was in our closet…under her wedding dress. Yeah, returning to the ol’ school routine has been... continue

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