I Have No Idea Why This Is Funny...

...but it is. Well, I'm on Spring Break with the boys this week, and we're planing on going swimming - but not with this kid.


Another Happy Customer

Dear TV Max,

I’d like to take a moment you tell you just how much your cable service at TV Max sucks. Yes, sucks, like piglets on a sow’s teat. Since installing the new digital cable box as part of the Congressional mandate (not only has the government screwed up the economy, but now they have meddled with our cable as well. Thanks W.), my family and I can now look forward to an enjoyable evening watching our favorite programs in high-quality pixilated little boxes while listening to the show’s characters stutter like hiccupping drunks.

And to think I'm paying $60 a month for such great service that utilizes a box hardly compatible with TiVo. It would seem logical to find a new provider, which I would very much like to do; however, our apartment complex can only offer (sigh) TV Max. How convenient. 

Just so you know I am no idiot, deftly avoiding hot beverages at fast-food drive throughs, and making toast in the shower. Which is to say I have already run the gambit of troubleshooting steps issued by the company or from internet message boards, and my TV is a fairly new HD flat-screen, definitely compatible with the digital quality of entertainment I seem to be missing out on? Please do not respond to me with a list of, "did you try this, and did you try that," as I a libel to do something rash in response. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

If you care at all about your customers at all, then please take my complaint seriously. I realize I am just another account number for your drones in sector 7G to shake a stick at every thirty days, and there is little else available at my disposal to exact any meaningful retribution against TV Max, save sharing my cynical views concerning your company and it's pitiful product. 

You have my contact information, and know where I can be found. I will be waiting outside on the street, hoping you will take some sort of action to fix my issue. If you cannot then it really makes no sense for me to continue paying for TV I am unable to watch, and as such you are most welcome to retrieve all your equipment post haste. However, I cannot guarantee that it will not be urinated on… several times.

Thank you for your feigned concern, and any resulting form letters/emails.

- Another Happy TV Max Customer (with a full bladder)

I know no one really cares about me being all whiny about cable, but I already punch the TV screen and it didn't make me feel any better or fix the picture quality of America's Next Top Model.


Prayers For A Friend Please

For all of you that may not know, a very good blogging friend of mine was in a very serious car accident. Braja (Lost & Found In India) and her husband were attempting catch a plane back to India from Bangkok when their taxi had a head on collision. Braja has a number of broken bones, but her husband and the taxi driver are in critical condition. A fuller explanation of the circumstances can be found here.

Please take a moment and pray for her & her husband. Braja has been a guest writer on the Lunchbox, but way beyond that she is wonderful, witty woman with a great spirit.

Thank you


Any March Madness Fans? You'll Love This Idea.

The NCAA Men's Basketball Tourney is a sort of a big deal in my family. To illustrate, my father has been in serious need of surgery to both knees for the past several years. Finally, this past August he conceded to do so, with an understanding he would be down and out for nearly 8 weeks. Despite great physical pain, do you know when he scheduled it? Yup, March, just so he could sit and watch basketball for the whole month.

This little video is dedicated to him and all the rest who love this time of year.

NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams


Tuesday Touché

Tuesday.  Like Monday but with a "T."  I could be accused of being lazy here, but I'd only admit to it and there's no fun in that.


What Is It They Say About Mondays?

Well, it's Monday... and I've got nothing.


New Dad? Or Soon To Be?

This video is dedicated to all you new dads or those soon to be.


Sloth Jockey...?

I know many of you have contacted me concerning my whereabouts of late. No, it's not because of the pummeling received at the hands of Cpt Dumbass (Hmmm Clark Kent get's whooped by CPT Dumbass? Sounds like a plot for a comic book). The actual truth is that of late, I've hit a bad string of rejection letters for various pieces I've written which, for a writer, is a proverbial kick in the bad parts. By some mysterious code (probably made up by Edgar Allan Poe), this causes said writer to do a couple things. One, get sloshed (check) and two, become extremely self-reflecting (check). Usually these occur in conjunction with each other.  

It was during this time, I determined that my writing efforts needed a bit more focus while other area, such as, say, daily blog postings and betting on dog races, would have to take a lower priority. Don't get me wrong, I love this community and meeting great new people. However, there are just so many things you can do in a day, and aside from family, writing for publication has to come first. Even so, it's made me feel horribly disloyal to many of you. It's difficult for me to say "no" to anyone, including me which is probably why I am justifying myself right now. 

So, will I still be posting on the Lunchbox and reading your blogs? Absolutely. Will it be everyday? Probably not. And there's one other unrelated problem plaguing me. I suck at self-promotion. I get weird even fronting a blog post on Twitter. From everything I keep reading, this is a bad thing for artists, photographers, writers, etc, who are on their own. Even my wife gets on my case for holding back. That said, I'm going to plug a recently accepted original submission published by the creative team at Sloth Jockey

Sloth Jockey is an online venue for artists of all types to display their work which includes photography, video, music and of course various writing genres. The name of my submission is:

Self Promotion Warning: Go take a look & leave a comment at their site if you think it's warranted (I feel dumb just saying that - Baby steps, CK).

Sloth Jockey Logo is a registered trademark of SlothJockey.com 2008

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