As the clues continue to mount, more and more armature sleuths are putting the pieces together, getting closer and closer in discovering Clark's whereabouts. Dance recitals, hosting events, secret Girl Scout lodges near the Fortress of Solitude... but what's with the shoes? One superhero mom and writer is not going to standby idly, in fact she can barely stand it at all. The Wise Young Mommy, or Petra "The Wise" has been fidgeting from day one, and missing Clark to say the least. Now this she's doing her own research on Clark to see what she might discover in the process.
Dude, Where ARE You?
I am not exactly what you would call a "patient" person. OK, OK, actually I am more of the "hates waiting and can't keep her mouth shut in the meantime" kind of gal. Therefore, when I stumbled upon this here blog, Clark Kent's Lunchbox, the home of my very favorite superhero crush and his equally handsome and bespectacled alter ego and found that he was MISSING, and that nobody knew when he would RETURN, you can say that I was slightly perturbed. No, not slightly perturbed, I was F@#KING PISSED. Here I am, totally stoked to read all about Clark and Superman's latest shenanigans, along with recent photos of Lois (cause you know, she's HOT), and I am told to sit tight and wait...
Yeah, I have been kind of a mess.
First I read through his entire archives so I would be fully prepared on back-story for any new material he would post in the future. That only took a couple of hours, so I tried searching for other blogs dealing with some of my other favorite superheroes, such as Spiderman and Captain Underpants, but alas, none of them even measured up to a blog all about the Big "S." So I started thinking, and then when I recovered from that, I came up with some activities to keep me busy while I waited. Cause a girl needs something to keep her hands busy while she waits, you know? (and I ran out of batteries, so I needed an alternate activity).
Well, first of all, I dusted off my good ole Super Woman suit, which definitely helped to ease the anxiety:
Thank God I have been working out, so I was able to get back into it. I tell you, that Jillian Michaels is a slave driver!
Then I picked up the knitting needles and got to work on a welcome back gift for CK:
I really think it will draw out the little blue flecks in his eyes, don't you think?
I even convinced my husband to wear these to bed for me so I could sleep better at night:
He's such a good sport: he even ignored my cries of "OH CK" in the middle of the night. He knows there's no threat; Lois and CK have a rock solid relationship.
Then, when I thought I could stand it no longer, I cruised the web looking for facts and trivia about Clark Kent and Superman. I figured I could bone up (heh, I said "bone") before he got back and maybe he would be all impressed with my new wealth of information (either that or he will ban me from his blog for being a stalking psycho-blogger. I'll take my chances...)
Did you know that Clark's middle name is Joseph? Yeah, I didn't either, but now that I do, I can call him Clark Joseph when he has been a bad superhero.
Clark Kent's boyhood girlfriend's name was Lana Lang. Sounds like a stripper to me. Good thing he ditched her and went with Lois. I'm sure Lana was a slut who would have broken his heart.
Clark and Lois got their first apartment by being put at the top of the tenants list for an apartment that Bruce Wayne owned. It was a wedding gift. You'd think Bruce could have afforded to just give them the apartment, but who am I to judge Batman?
Lois Lane was actually the first Superwoman; I shit you not. She had a dream about acquiring super powers from a blood transfusion from Superman and ended up fighting crime as Superwoman for a while. But I guess it got old (and that biological clock started ticking), so she hung up her tights and popped out some kids.
And finally, I now know Clark's favorite meal is Beef Bourguignon with ketchup. Sounds kinda gross, but hey, to each their own. I don't know, it sounds fattening to me, he better watch it or he won't be able to fit into those cute little tights.
So now I have to sit back and keep waiting for Clark Kent to return from whatever crazy adventure he is on. A green sash? An order form? Milk? And the latest, designer shoes? What kind of clues are these? He obviously doesn't understand that I am way too impatient to use any brainpower to try to figure out his obscure riddle. Hopefully when he gets back he will realize how much we missed him and how we can't live without him and he will never go away again.
Or he might just ban me from his blog...
I'm pretty sure Clark won't ban such a Wise Mommy, in fact, I'm quite sure he's very appreciative for her efforts in trying to locate him. In all that research into the fine details of Clark's past - even finding his favorite meal for goodness sake - the wise and young came across the Seventh Clue: An empty bottle of No Doze lying on the floor. It will come in handy to collect the REWARD OFFER!Many thanks to The Stiletto Mom for a great post and for rekindling our love for puppets and Phil Collins
Tomorrow: Is Clark Lost In India?