Clark Sighted In India!

DAILY PLANET NEWS WIRE - MAYAPUR, INDIA - AP A woman living in Mayapur, West Bengal India has reported seeing Daily Planet reporter and blogger Clark Kent. Kent, who has been missing for over a week, has been the subject of an intensive search involving local and federal government agencies along with fans and citizens of the general public. With this new development the hunt has now expanded to an international effort. The woman known as Braja, an Australian that has lived in the region for seven years is a yogi and writes the blog Lost And Found In India. The following is the printed account of the letter she provided to authorities. 

I'm sorry to break this to you, but I've known where Clark is all along. It happened like this...

I was on the rooftop the other day hanging out the washing and enjoying the winter sun on my back. I knew there was something strange going on when I heard the whooshing sound. There was a momentary shadow cast over the ground and I knew it wasn't the military fighters heading to Pakistan because world war three hadn't broken out yet. Unless of course it had and no one had told me, which was highly likely since I live in a village on the banks of the Ganges and we're ALWAYS the last to know anything...

I turned my face skyward and saw a flash of blue and red. Then nothing for a few moments. Then a loud thud, a groan, and the sound of breaking glass behind me made me turn.

There stood Clark: coat, tie, dumb hat, and glasses. I rolled my eyes. "For God's sake man, it's almost 2009: not even Indians wear those ridiculous black rimmed Buddy Holly glasses. Can't you update, for chrissakes?"

He looked at me through the broken glass (yeah, that was the sound), and said, "Do I know you? And do you have some washing powder I can borrow?"

"Huh?"

He pulled the red and blue cape and tights out from his coat pocket and dangled them in front of me. "Superhero work is sweaty. These need a wash. Go on, be a love...while you're up here, y'know...."

I considered giving him a lecture about equal rights and all that crap, but he is Clark, after all, and he's trapped in the 30's or something. Women were women and men were men, and anyway, he still hadn't gotten over the Stiletto and Vodka women. His eyes were glazed, and I knew it was them...

I took the cape and tights from him and threw them in my washing bucket, sprinkled in some Indian style Surf (smells fresh!), and turned the water on. While they were soaking we sat and shared a splif...oh....hell, sorry, no....er....a chat about the weather and Lois Lane's OCD. She had it bad. I had no idea.

After a while Clark said, "How long will the laundry be?"

I ambled over to the bucket and gulped in fright...the water was a murky blue/red mix, and the fabric looked faded. I pulled it out, wrung it, and held it out for Clark to see. "Dude, I think we have a problem..."

You shoulda seen his face. He was mad. "Typical bloody Indian washing powder," he growled. "Take the strength out of Kryptonite..."

I apologized and offered to write to the company. He said he had no time. While they dried he lectured me on adding the powder first to the water, thus leaving no splotches all over the fabric. I apologized.

He seemed okay when he left, but his outfit was faded like mad and he was on his way to some planetary fabric convention where he could buy replacements. I heard him mumbling something about "Scotty..." "...Trek..." and so on, but I couldn't be sure.

One thing for sure, he was pissed, man....

Many involved are encouraged by Braja's account, and hailing her courage in coming forward with this new information. "This gives us hope that he hasn't completely vanished," one spokesman associated with the investigation said in a statement to reporters. "We are grateful to Braja, not only for contacting us, but for handing over another clue for use in our search efforts." Unconfirmed rumors claim the Eighth Clue are several red pens and bottles of White Out correction fluid. A REWARD for locating the whereabouts of Kent has been posted. 

In a related development, Lois Lane, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter and wife to Kent has confirmed she will release a public statement related to her husband's disappearance early next week.

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Many thanks to Petra, The Wise Young Mommy for her enthusiastic search efforts, fashion recomendations (I'm pretty sure Clark wants to know where he get the sweater), and her impressive knowledge of CK trivia.

Coming in Friday's Edition: Clark Kent Gets Fit.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE LUNCHBOX!