Mommy and Daddy Blogger Jokes
How many mommy bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, just one actually, but it takes her at least a week to review the product, organize a Twitter party and then do contest giveaway before she actually replaces it.
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What do you call two daddy bloggers with no arms and no legs hanging in a window?
Kurt and Rod (drum roll: ba-da dum!)
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"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Thesis"
"Thesis some dumb pitch about some dumb product that your readers are going to love."
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Summer."
"Summer who?"
"Summer dumb pitches about dumb products that your readers are going to love."
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Consumption"
"Consumption who?"
"Consumption be done about all these dumb product pitches filling up my inbox?"
* * *
A Rabbi, a blonde, and a mom blogger walk into a bar. The bartender goes over to the Rabbi and asks, "Whaddya have, Rabbi?"
Looking over the drink menu, the Rabbi exclaims, "I'd have some wine, but Oy vey! These prices are too much!"
The bartender, being a religious man, pours the Rabbi a glass of wine and hands it to the Rabbi. "It's on the house." Then the bartender turns to the blonde and asks, "Whaddya have, sweetheart?"
The blonde, who's very attractive, licks her lips suggestively and responds, "I'd love an apple martini. They make me so tipsy."
The bartender can't help but to fall for her beauty, and he whips up an apple martini lickity split. "Here ya go, sugar. It's on the house."
Finally the bartender walks over to the mommy blogger. "Whaddya have, ma'am?"
The mommy blogger, having watched what had happened with the Rabbi and the blonde says, "I'll have a vodka tonic." Then she adds, "And it better be on the house, or I'm going or I'm gonna tear this place a new one in my next blog post."
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What do you get when you cross a mommy blogger with Godzilla?
I don't know, but you sure as hell better make sure she gets her swag bags at the next BlogHer.
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Why did the dad blogger cross the road?
He was told he could nominate himself for Best Daddy Blogger in the Universe on the other side.
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Why did the mommy blogger cross the road?
She was told their was a $10 dollar gift card if she did a product review on the other side.
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Two college students and a mommy blogger volunteer for a medical research project. The three of them are taken into a room with a large observation window and asked to sit down at the table. A few minutes later a man in a lab coat walks in carrying three glasses, hands them to volunteers, and instructs them to drink the contents one at a time. The first college student picks up the glass and takes three big gulps; within seconds he falls out of his chair and starts shaking uncontrollably. The scientists on the other side of the window write on their clipboards and ask the next college student to drink the substance in his cup. After seeing what happened to the first student, the second college student is a little nervous, but desperate for the cash promised to the volunteers, he chugs down the strange liquid; within seconds he drops to the floor and starts shaking wildly. The scientist jot down some notes on their clipboard and then tell the mommy blogger it's her turn.
Witnessing what happened to the college students, the mommy blogger eyes her cup suspiciously and looks up at the scientists behind the glass window. "I don't know what this stuff is, but it sure better not have any high fructose corn syrup in it!"
* * *
Warner Brothers announced it would be making a new martial arts movie about two kung-fu warriors in pursuit of a stolen sword and a notorious fugitive who cross paths with the extraordinarily skilled, teenage daughter of a strict, traditional Chinese mother. They're calling it "Crouching Tiger Mama, Hidden Dragon."
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What do you get when you cross a '34 Ford and a mommy blogger? A "dooce" coupe. (yuk, yuk, yuk)
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The marketing team at Charmin was trying to come up with a name for a new type of toilet paper the company wanted to sell. Stumped, the team decided to enlist the help of consumers in order to come up with something catchy and memorable. Several candidates were selected and handed a roll of the nameless product with instructions to provide some suggestions after they had used the entire sample. The next morning the marketing team was surprised to find one of the men who was part of the consumer feedback group already waiting for them in their office.
"I've got a name for your new product," the man announces. "You should call it Mommy Blogger Toilet Paper."
The marketing team gives him confused looks. "Mommy Blogger Toilet Paper? Why would you call it that?"
Without missing a beat the man replied, "Because it's rough. It's tough, and it doesn't take crap off of anyone."
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Yo mama blog got so much drama on it, it makes Snooki look like Hilary Clinton. (eye roll)
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Three dad bloggers were sitting around a campfire talking about their sites. The first dad blogger started bragging about being named Best Daddy Blog in the Galaxy after he nominated himself for the award and then dedicated every minute of every day for a whole week asking people to vote for him. The second dad blogger said that was a pretty good accomplishment, but then puffed up his chest, going on and on about 100,000 hits his site gets daily and all the company's offering him tons of money for ad space and the gobs of major brand flying him all over the country to represent their products. Impressed, the first dad blogger conceded that this was really incredible. Then he and the second blogger looked over at the remaining dad, expecting him to share the many great feats he had achieved with site. But the third dad blogger didn't say a word. He just sat there in silence gazing into the fire and stoking the embers with his "willy."
