Can Women Abuse Men? The Most Revealing and Personal Post I've Ever Written
Now that I'm working almost full time it's rare for me to string together two posts in a week, but hey, whaddayaknow. Today The Good Men Project published an article of mine that I've had on my mind for a long, long time, but have always held back on because of my policy never to talk publicly about my ex-wife or about the darker details surrounding my life prior to meeting my wife Ashley and the girls. So why did I choose now?
Several weeks ago, my ex and I got into an argument. She accused me of "pimping out" my boys in my book, and that I was embarrassing them with my writing. This despite the fact she's never read the book (there's little in there about the boys) and has only perusing through a handful of blog posts from over a year ago (one's I've showed the boys). However, she did agree to consider giving me more access to my sons if I would both stop writing about the boys and shut down my blog altogether.
I agreed, and the matter was settled. But my decision bothered me. Since I've known my ex-wife all I've ever done is give in to her demands, and here I was giving in again--giving in on not only quitting what I love, but also on the legacy of words I have been compiling for my three sons to read on their own one day so they will know who their father was and how he felt while they grew up 1,300 miles away.
After a few days, I changed my mind. My reason? I kept asking myself when does being controlled by someone, like my ex stop? There are untold thousands of men out their in my shoes, maybe more. Many are in worse situation than I by far. Refusing to talk about my ex may have been a sincere and noble gesture on my part, but in not sharing my story I'm also holding back when I can be helping others on a larger scale.
When I told my ex that I would never stop writing or shut down my blog, her reaction was predictable and any hopes of being able to be more connected to my boys were off the table. I knew that would happen, but felt it worth taking a stand. In the meantime, I will go on looking for creative avenues like this one to keep fostering that connectedness with my sons so they know how much I love them.
This article is by far the most revealing and open thing I've ever written for the public to read. Here's and excerpt:
I remember exactly what went through my mind at the suggestion that I had been emotionally abused by my now ex-wife. Horseshit. The very idea sounded ludicrous. I had been an all-state athlete, an Infantry Captain, and an accomplished corporate executive—positions that required strength and mental toughness. The only halfway legitimate version of an abusive wife I could conceive was that of a 400-pound woman squashing her rail-thin, hen-pecked husband because he forgot to bring home the extra side of gravy she wanted from KFC—fodder for Jerry Springer, Tyra, and all those talk shows that specialize in bringing off-the-chart social dysfunction to the masses. I don’t think so, girlfriend. I knew who my baby mama was, and I didn’t need a paternity test to prove that the three boys born during eight years of matrimony were mine. On the other hand, I would be quick to admit that our blessed union was anything but.
You can read the rest HERE
If there's someone you know in this situation, please share it with them so they know they are not alone. Thanks.
