Hello Mr. Ambassador, Welcome To The Love Boat

So I've been given a new title--Mr. Ambassador. And just where is it that The Secretary of State is sending me off to? Liechtenstein? Tuvalu? Well, not quite. In fact the State Department has nothing to do with it, but I will be seeing some foreign countries. Okay, I'll stop being cryptic here if you promise not to hate me. I've been named an Ambassador by Carnival Cruise Ships (affiliate link), and yes, my family and I will be going on a seven-day cruise to the Caribbean later this month (some of you have already noticed the badge) .

This is one reason why everyone trying to hunt me down at BlogHer couldn't find me. With speaking gigs at The Modern Media Man Summit and The Type A Mom Conference coming up next month, another conference was just too much time away, and so the choice came down to drunken revelry in NYC (not entirely unappealing) or having drinks brought to me on a nice relaxing voyage through the tropics. Yeah. It was a tough decision, one made all the easier after my wife provided me with her 'objective' opinion on the matter.

The idea is that during the trip, I'll be tweeting and posting about how much fun we're having. Although, I'm not so sure the idea might backfire, as I lose all my friends and Lunchbox readers due to spite for me. As Home and Uncool remarked, and I quote, "Boy. Your life really sucks, Mattocks." (by the way, click and vote here to help cure JM)

Well, I guess so, but if it's any consolation, I'm not good with heights; small spaces make me hyperventilate; and the idea of riding around on a large chunk of metal (metal is known to sink according to scientific studies) on an even larger body of water makes me a tad nervous. My wife, however, assured me that she felt the same way on her first cruise. "Besides," she added, "after a few drinks you forget all about it." Funny, I recall that being the same thought I would have every time I would break up with someone.

That's not to imply trouble with the wifey. Quite the opposite actually. I was never able to give her a honeymoon, so this hopefully makes up for it. She deserves it.

So, look out people. I've never been on a cruise, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be something like this:

If you are so inclined, you can follow along on Carvnival's Twitter handle (@CarnivalCruise) and their Facebook page. And of course, per FTC guidelines I'm supposed to disclose that Carnival is providing me and the family with a cruise--I think I said that already. Oh, but did I mention we're getting a huge cabin with a balcony? Never mind. Forget I brought that last part up.