If You're Smart, You Will Not Get Your Wife This For The Holidays

It's not that I'm disparaging the importance of women having this done regularly, it's just that I can think of better ways for husbands to show their love during the holiday season. Save giving this present for Columbus Day or perhaps Labor Day--just make sure to send flowers. Watch...

Or "light up her Menorah."

And should any of you brave souls decide to do this, I suggest including a box of diamond ear rings, while also avoiding anything from Victoria's Secret.