The Feds Get Involved - DC Urban Dad

With all of Metropolis (maybe that should be Blogopolis) joined in the search for Clark Kent, a new father takes a break at a nearby bookstore. Matt from DC Urban Dad knows a little something about the newspaper biz working for the Washington Post. This Clark Kent crap is just a marketing gimmick by the Daily Planet to sell a few more papers. Kent's probably playing hot-shot reporter overseas. Matt has far more pressing thoughts on his mind, like being a dad. Who's going to argue with that.

The Crap They Don't Tell Ya….

Dads, let's face guys we tend not to read the instructions.

Hell 90 - 99 % of the time we ignore or even refuse to ask for directions. We just figure we can wing it. Ya know, fly off the cuff.

Who cares if there are 4 extra screws that we cannot find holes for - that desk is sturdy? C'mon we'll make it there eventually right? Directions, I don't need to stinking directions, I am man!!!

Now when it came to the birth of my child, I was the exact opposite. I wanted knowledge. I wanted to know what to expect - what was I getting myself into. And as you know if you have gone through the process there are plenty of manuals / books out there to choose from. Each has a different theory, method, tip, lesson, advice, etc.

But you see there is one small problem. These books only go so deep. They basically are the same thing - they just say it differently.

That's why today with a little of your help, I want to add an extra chapter to all those baby prep books.

Let's call it The Crap They Don't Tell Ya (Dude Edition)

1) Your pregnant wife - ummmmmmmm HOT. Seriously, when my wife was pregnant I was like a teenager all over again if you know what I mean. She is even more beautiful today (bonus points)

2) Nothing goes as planned in the delivery room. End of story. Just go with the flow and be there and I mean really be there.

3) You want to tell everyone you are pregnant. Especially early on and of course ya can't. It's the worst time – all you want to do is beat your chest. Just suck it up for a bit.

4) Who cares what you sing to your kid. With the right tone even Snoop Dogg or Trick Daddy sound like nursery rhymes. If they fall asleep to Gin and Juice, so be it.

5) You WILL do weird stuff in public. I still can't stop blowing raspberries or swaying back and forth. I'm now programmed to do this naturally. If somebody gets in your grill, tell 'em to step off you're a Dad.

6) Guys can get Mom brain and forget things too. Don't beat yourself up about. Just don't forget the important stuff.

7) Evolution does in fact take over. My biggest fear was the floppy-head baby. Never really been good with that. Dude, not beat my chest, but I was a rockstar. You can do it!

8) Minivan not necessary. Don't believe the hype.

9) You don't stop listening to your tunes. I still rock out and plan to continue rocking out. I even bought lullaby versions of U2 and Metallica.

10) Do what works for you, not what the book says. Who cares what someone with a PhD. said just go with the flow and do what works for you. If you kid is thriving and alive and otherwise just peachy, keep on keeping on.

So what say you out there? What would you add to this chapter? What unknown wisdom would you impart to a father to be? What nuggets of knowledge should be in books but is not.

I'm sure Clark would love to debate the minivan controversy, seen as how he just put four new tires on the Kent-mobile. Too bad Urban Dad wasn't around when the first Clark Jr was born, as he could've laughed his head off at Clark for putting all the diapers on backwards during the hospital stay. Now with 3 Clark Jr's & 2 Lois's he just gives them spears and lets them play Lord of the Flies. 

Even though he didn't intend to DC Urban Dad found Clue #5, as he flipped through another parenting book when a small piece of paper fell from the pages. It was a receipt from a local convenience store charging two gallons of milk to a credit card belonging one Clark Kent. At least he's not lactose intolerant, he thinks as he walks out of the bookstore.

And there's been another development after Agent Steenky Bee's wacky post. A reward has officially been posted for any reader or guest author who can put the clues together and be the first one to figure out Where In The World Is Clark Kent concluding the begining of December. The winner will have their choice of either "Superman: Living The Super Hero Lifestyle," or "Lois Lane: The Modern Woman's Guide To Life With A Man Of Steel.

Coming Monday: Which does Clark prefer, Pumps or Flats?

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