It's been so long since I've posted a blog...

... I forgot my sign in and password! Yes, with my "infallible" mind I suffered an althzimers minute and briefly referred to my computer as "Rosebud." So what have been doing? In short... work. And allot of it. Usually, I'm not getting away from there until 6 or 7 and then still taking calls as I drive away in a mad dash for home. I know that I should be grateful for the job and that in every situation I should find myself content in the Lord's provisions, but I just don't have the heart for this line of work. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I have a bad attitude... I don't know, but I swear if I sit through one more meeting about how to sell another home or take one more phone call from a sales person with their hair on fire on the other end of the line I may swallow Draino. To be fair the company I am working for is a really good company and given the current housing slump the management there could make my life even more of a living hell, but they are good people (yes, another reason I should be thankful) and I do like them.

I guess there are a couple things that just seem to kill my spirit... one is getting emails on my Blackberry (a device that I am quite sure "normal" people invented as a practical joke for those of us with ADD so they could watch us scurry around to answer the plethora of emails we are signaled to by the flashing red light much in the same fashion as rabid lab rats running to their next feeder pellet... hold on the light is blinking again and I need to get this... Crap! it was just SPAM, Sorry)... uh, ya, emails on my Blackberry at 8am on Saturdays and Sundays. "Judas-Smurfin-Christopher, People! I have a life... or I'd sure like to pretend I do." I guess my gripe is that I need a little time away from all the corporate blood-sucking. Come on people, even Superman needs to spend some time in the sun to recharge his solar batteries.

The other is the fact that one of the reasons they hired me was that I'm an out-of-the-box thinker which is very true. In fact it's probably the underlying reason for much of what I've achieved - that and listening to people's input. So ironically, the minute I start bringing up out-of-the-box ideas for the company's issues I get told "we're not doing that... that's too out-of-the-box" FutherMucker! Are you kidding me? Ironically, the issues plaguing the company are the sames ones I've seen at the last two operations I've been at and the same solution not only applied but worked with great success. Like I said they are good people and managers but out-of-the-box appears to be on par with removing the packaging from a new toaster and then making toast and my approach to the same toaster is to use it in the shower.

Ok, so that's just venting. It's really no big deal in the larger scheme of things. The more real issue is this feeling that I'm not doing what I should be doing in life. There's a discontentment that been simmering inside me and I can't tell if it's the Spirit, an early mid-life crisis, or gas.

At Church there has been allot of talk about God shining a light into our lives and stopping us in our tracks like a dear in the headlights not to expose sin (as the typical sermon analogy usually goes), but to make us reflect on where we are in life and where we are headed. I've felt like that light has been shining on me for a while lately.

The problem is that there is a fear that resides in me that holds me back. That fear manifests itself in the form of logical thinking... I mean I can't just quit my job - financially, I'm in the biggest pinch I've ever been in so this option would be foolhardy at best. And trying to do something on the side while keeping the job I have isn't working either because I'm just flat out exhausted at the end of the day. Aside from the logic of my personal drama is the choice of avenue I'd like to pursue - painting. At least it's not ballet, but even still the chances of becoming a successful painter that would make the amount of income I need is on par with becoming a professional athlete.

Despite that final thought, for whatever reason, I keep running the story of Gideon from the Old (School) Testament. Here's this little chicken who eventually attacks a savage enemy army with nothing but a few hundred nut cases (read "dudes with ALLOT of faith") carrying trumpets and torches... today that would be consider performance art.

Ok, well I guess that's the extent of my whining for one blog. With that off my chest I think I'll go buy a sports car and some gold chains. That or some Pepcid AC... Why am I still squinting?

PS - Thank you to my adoring fans who have faithfully continued to read my blog... I will be home around 7 tonight so go ahead and eat without me. I'm working late.

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