The One Thing My Kids Would Sacrifice Food, Air and a Virgin Cat For

Should psychologists ever use my children to reassess Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, their findings would conclude that cable television should be added alongside air, food and sleep as essential human needs. In fact, it may actually outrank food and sleep, given the children’s eagerness to forgo both if it means feasting on just one more episode of iCarly or that androgynous spaz, SpongeBob.

Until recently, we didn’t even have cable and I simply connected a laptop to the TV to access our favorite shows via the Internet. For all intents and purposes, this proved to be more than adequate in fulfilling our entertainment needs. That, and it was cheap, too.

However, as a concession to my wife’s burning desire to watch shows at their regularly scheduled times rather than wait a day before they were available for download, I agreed to order cable once we moved into our house. Within days of settling in, I made the call to the cable company. Soon, we had access to an infinite number of channels, the dauntingness of which was further exacerbated by the additions of a DVR and On-Demand viewing.

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