Vanity Hair

Vanity Hair

I’ll admit to being vain when it comes to fashion. If it doesn’t have a quality brand label sewn on the inside, then it’s not going on my body. Whoever coined the phrase “clothes don’t make the man” obviously never donned a Valentino suit with a corresponding pair of Kenneth Cole shoes. Since high school I’ve prided myself on the regular compliments earned by the keen sense of style I’ve continued to hone over the years. Oh, I’ll say thank you, should anyone mention how good I look in Ralph Lauren, but underneath this feigned modesty, I’m thinking, “Yeah, I know.”

I’m equally narcissistic when it comes to grooming, yet for all my savviness in pairing patterned, silk ties with modern cut, poplin shirts, the same cannot be said when it comes to how I wear my hair. Keep in mind I’ve consulted men’s books and stylists. I am fully versed on basic head shapes; and I understand which cuts best frame them. Even so, I’ve never found a style that has completely worked for my noggin.

Naturally this has fostered an insecurity that forces me to stop dead in my tracks and critique my hair anytime I’m within five meters of a mildly reflective surface. Furthermore, my lack of coif confidence has made me susceptible to outside influence, namely celebrities whose look I’ll attempt to mimic in the hopes of finding my hairdo’s doppelganger. It’s been a strange dream of mine to have random strangers approach me for no other reason but to say, “Wow. For a second there, I thought you were [insert famous personality]. I think it’s the hair that fooled me.” To date, however, this has yet to happen as my history of celeb-inspired ‘dos are actually a long list of “don’ts” dating back to kindergarten.

The Joan Rivers: During elementary school, my stylistic choices were up to my mother who saw little need for regular haircuts, thus resulting in a huge ducktail protruding just above the base of my neck. Even more unfortunate is the stack of class pictures chronicling the transformation of my hair into what looked like a bad wig worn by Joan Rivers.

Read about the rest of my hair disasters including the "Joey McIntyre" and the "Brad Pitt" HERE. Match them and others to the photos below (Header photo: "The Jon Hamm).

"The Carrot Top"

"The Richard Simmons"

"The Joan Rivers"
"The Joey McIntyre"

"The Crunch" (Think Goonies)
"The Brad Pitt"

"The John Kransiki"

"The Situation"

"The Tom Welling"

"The George Clooney"

"The Nathan Fillion"

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