Off The Air
During my trip with the boys, I introduced them to a couple of old television programs from when I was their age, The A-Team and Airwolf. Maybe you don't remember them, or have no idea what it is I'm talking about (I included clips below for reference), but for me, as a little boy these shows were pure gold. So when I found them on DVD I couldn't resist the chance to indulge in a few hours of childhood nostalgia. I watched a few episode of each before turning them off. They were crap. Lousy acting, contrived plots, lame stunts, stock footage used over and over, I felt let down.

You might be thinking how randomly odd that sounds, but to me, being in your 30's was ideal for some reason. People in their 20's seemed too young and lacking in worldly experience, while being in your 40's was, well, too old. The years lived between these two spans seemed just right, and I couldn't wait till the day when I reached nirvana. By then, I figured, my life would be near perfect with me doing something exciting and at the top of my game.
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Now, with only three years left before being considered too old, I'm just a struggling writer waiting for the kids to get home so I can give them snacks and listen to how they learned about addition and the letter "Y." Yes, I realize, I'm throwing a pity party instead of a birthday party, but sometimes you just have to put these things out there because that's who we all are, human and frail. There's no sin in admitting to it; the transgression only comes from denying it.
I was glad to see the boys exhibiting that same excitement I used to have for those television shows, but there was also a bitter-sweetness that it brought on. I thought it ironic that in reaching my 30's, the years have stolen from me the very naiveness that once fueled my goal of getting to this point in life. At 37, I'm in a very strange place with little certainty of where I'm going and even less of an identity to hold onto. It's exactly the opposite of everything I though it would be. Maybe I just tuned into the wrong channel.