Let's Creep Out The Step-Dad

It wouldn't be right for me to have everyone guest blogging on the Lunchbox and then not include my own wife who lives a charmed life as a writer. The thing about her submission is... it's all true. They know exactly how to creep me out.

Some of the best parts of being a parent are those moments when you swell with pride at what your child has become. First steps and words.... school musicals and soccer games.... even just the recognition that some of your own best traits are moving forward another generation. I have those moments often with my girls. They are adorable on stage at school functions, they look like my little clones, and their sense of humor is spot on. As such, I was particularly proud of Allie when one evening, apropos of nothing, she excitedly said "Be right back, Mom. I'm gonna go creep out Ron."

It brings me such joy to know that my daughters have picked up on that fine line of comedy and creepiness. When I stopped laughing about that statement, I peeked out of her bedroom door and around the corner to see just what she was tormenting Ron with. I was pleased to see she had mastered a new technique judging by Ron's awkward face which seemed to fairly scream "HELP!"

So in honor of my dear husband's absence, I will share with you oh lovely internet, the best ways in which to creep out Ron. Allie's newfound effective creepy tactic starts us off at number 10.

10. Stand right next to Ron and whisper "bellybutton" in his ear. Its confusing enough to be creepy, and random enough to be funny.

9. Open eyes Cheshire-cat-wide, smile sweetly, and giggle. Doesn't matter if you're four or forty, this one is a keeper.

8. Stalk him with the creepy babies. No need to be elaborate... sometimes simple is creepier.

7. A simple "creepy dance" will do. Perfected by Avery, the dance simply involved clasping your hands over your head, moving your hips in a small circles and saying "Oooooh, eeeeeh, aaaaaaaah!" in a falsetto voice. Saying "I like my booty" afterwards is optional. (Video coming soon.)

6. Simply stating the word "panty". Or "High School Musical". Extra points if you use them in the same sentence.

5. Waking him up in the middle of the night with your hands on his neck, even if it was only because he was sick and you wanted to check his pulse.

4. Staring lovingly at him for more than 10 consecutive minutes. The lovelorn sighing seems to complicate matters.

3. Sniffing him. At any time, for any reason. He is averse to being sniffed for some reason. (Weirdo.)

2. Asking him to smell your finger. Even if you have valid, non-gross reasons for doing so.

....and finally. The absolute number one best way to creep out Ron....

1. Simply being me and/or my daughters. It's a gift, I admit. We can make just about anything creepy in Ron's eyes. Even if it seems sweet and adorable to us. Care Bears? Creepy. Playing doll house? Creepy. Admitting that you know where someone lives and what their habits are just from casual observation? Creepy.

It's never a dull moment around here. We're using his 2 week absence to come up with about 10 more creepy things. I'll let you know how they go over..... mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha..........................

I'm sure you have, but in the event this is the first you've heard of it, go read my wife's blog Schadenfreudette. She has a profile on Facebook too if you're looking to play Zombie Attacks.

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